Dear Friends and Loyal Readers,
Have you experienced this exchange?
“What’s wrong?”, your partner/friend/sibling/parent/boss/coworker asks.
“Nothing”, you answer.
“Are you okay?”, they inquire.
“Fine”, you respond.
“What do you want for dinner?”
“Whatever”, as you shrug your shoulders.
NOTHING, FINE, WHATEVER. What do these three words have in common?
Dismissive answers kill any relationships, a slow death of 1000 cuts.
“I don’t trust you enough to tell you the truth of what I feel or what I think. I don’t trust you enough to share with you what I want- My immediate needs or my heart’s deepest desires.”
Consciously or not, this is the message you are sending when your body language (energy) gives one message and your words speak another.
Incongruent. Out of alignment. Out of Integrity. The outcome? A loving intention to engage with you is rejected, closing their heart from connected with yours.
Any pain, anger, guilt, shame or uncomfortable feelings, you are not willing to face, render you unwilling to share. Maybe you don’t know what to say, or how to say it. Maybe you just have nothing to share.
In that case, be honest:
“I’m not sure what’s going on. As soon as I figure it out, I will let you know, or ask for help. Thank you for asking.”
“You know, I’m not really hungry. Food doesn’t sound very good right now”. OR, “I am so hungry/tired. I can’t think straight about what actually sounds good”.
Honest engaging requires you to actually think and feel and have the courage to speak what you feel.
“NOTHING, FINE, WHATEVER” erodes the desire to connect, implies a lack of trust, and ultimately, interferes with love flowing between two people.
If you aren’t able to show up honestly in a relationship, there is no room for the other to show up either.
Do you have the integrity and strength to express your heart’s desires, in your most authentic way?